Mommy, Did You Make Me?

Copyright: Colwyn Murphy

My littlest love asked me this question this morning.

On his fourth birthday.

Somewhere in between eating ceweal and icing his T-Rex cake.

His sister had just told him I’d made him, he seemed perplexed and my answer was the obvious one that I think most mothers would reply with.

“Yes, my love, I made you. Well, Daddy and I made you.”

And in a split second my mind recalled months of my body growing the little guy, birthing him and I felt pretty proud of this achievement.

And then he set me straight.

“No you didn’t.”

“Well, then who made you?” I asked. Intrigued to hear what he’d come back with.

And he very self-assuredly stated: “I did. I made myself.”

And I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t correct him. Because he was undoubtedly right.

I did not MAKE him. I held space, quite literally.

Holding space is a term we use in the world of holistic healing and birth, to refer to being with someone without judgment, putting any opinion aside to allow them to just be, so that it becomes clear to them what they need. In that space of loving energy you maintain, they become their own healer, or discover their own infinite power to birth.

And today, it dawned on me that that is what a pregnant mother or, any mother for that matter, is being called to do. I held the space and maintained the energy he needed to become the little being he is. Yes, that required some work on my side in terms of nourishing myself. But I did not make him.

It was Khalil Gibran who wrote: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.”

While I knew this quote, it wasn’t until Josh put this into his own words that it fully sunk in. He somehow managed to articulate one of the greatest truths of life. That, while I am indeed his mother who has nourished him, his spirit is his spirit. And that spirit has been driving his growth since conception.

To realise this, may be a huge paradigm shift for many mothers who are pregnant. We live in a society that is, currently, driven by perceptions of ownership and debt. And that paradigm heavily influences parenting, with many mothers feeling that they gave their children life so their children somehow owe them something. The expectations vary from culture to culture.

What if we shifted that thinking to something both deeper and more freeing, for everyone. A realisation that we are all simply holding space for each other and co-creating. Co-creation in which we, the parents, have been given the honour of guardianship, not ownership, of children who have come to soul actualise.

A realisation that our job is simply to hold that loving space so that they can keep making themselves. The challenge is whether or not you can let go of your own expectations, baggage and preconceived ideas. When you can do that you realise that your child has held space for you.